Showing posts with label Vinho Verde. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vinho Verde. Show all posts
Thursday, May 26, 2011
It's not like you're looking very badass anyway.
When the girl driving the refreshment cart regretfully informed us that she was all out of Bud Light Lime, we lamented in only having chilled white wine to drink...
That, and a few errant "regular" Bud Lights, like Bud Light Lime for those who don't give a damn about the dangers of scurvy.
Needless to say, sipping crisp white and drinking flavored malt beverages does little to toughen the already lily-livered image of golf. I honestly feel the need to bite the cork out of a dusty bottle of whiskey from unknown providence, slug it down, punch a bandito in the face, shoot some guy on a balcony so that he falls through a cheaply-constructed banister, then line up that 14-footer with a slight right-to-left break.
All that being said, I do enjoy me some golf, and whiskey neat makes a terrible thrist-quencher on a 90 degree South Carolina day under the oppressive anger of the sun. But a chilled, slightly effervescent Vinho Verde does wonders.
This "green" wine- named for its youth rather than it's color- hails from the Minho region in northern Portugal. It's made from a variety of nearly 20 grapes, and- as the name suggests- it's built to drink young. Practically a watered-down vodka tonic, the citrusy, minerally, low-alcohol tipple is mighty refreshing, and is tailor-made to slake the thirst of parched golfers. That being said, duffers should be tilting those bottles with prudence, as Vinho Verde tees off with around 9-10% ABV. Granted, while this is very low by wine standards, it's pretty much like sipping some of the strongest beer around...
...yet that buzz may be critical, because you- the golfer- are likely walking around in ridiculous garb.
Damn, golfers are comfortable in their own skin.
Listen, once one is dressed like a circus clown in public, there should be no more insecurity about anything else. So next time the course is sold out of Bud Light Lime, reach for a bottle of chilled Vinho Verde you've cleverly stashed in one of those random pockets in the golf bag. Why not? The desire for Bud Light Lime is a clear indication that you don't give a damn about looking tough drinking to compensate for the not-toughness of your alleged sport. And it tastes good.
And drink it straight from the bottle. Because you already look like a buffoon.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Soggy Back Syndrome
Just because I think it warrants explanation: this is the most random image ever. I wanted to put up a picture of Hall & Oates "H2O"- where the dynamic duo are somewhat creepily staring each other down, drenched in sweat. However, perhaps not surprisingly, I've already used that picture. So I was thinking about Peter Gabriel's "Steam", which seemed kind of sweaty. But it's on the album "Us", pictured above. No, I don't really follow either. Oh well, what's done is done.
Don't ask me for a source on this one, but I once heard someone exclaim that A/C (that's "air conditioning", San Franciscans) was the greatest innovation to hit the South, because it allowed industry to flourish. I suppose this proclamation was based on the notion that manufacturing is best done in a conditioned space; machinery and products of industrialization probably hold up better in an atmosphere absent of extreme heat and humidity ("humidity" being moisture in the air, Los Angelenos).
I further defend this argument with the fact that an oppressive heat index wears one out. I don't know what people did before air conditioning. But I do know they were the toughest motherflippers alive, if I may use such coarse language. Incidentally, I have a bad fan motor in my vehicle, so the A/C works at long as I'm moving. "Moving", however, is at a bit of a premium in Atlanta rush hour (which is a BS term anyway; I've never seen it last only an hour). Tack on a constant pressure-cooker of 95˚+ days (with 90%+ humidity), and one suffers an embarrassing condition known as "soggy back syndrome".
No longer relegated to Sweatin' to the Oldies enthusiasts, feral children, and Robin Williams, SBS (soggy back syndrome) can strike anyone who's posterior has been snuggled closely to warm automotive upholstery, while wearing two shirts (an undershirt and a button-down...sorry, it's not 1978 and my day job doesn't involve a commute to Bee Gees practice), all in a vehicle with less-than-adequate air circulation and humidity management. What results is an embarrassing moistness on the back of the shirt, sure to discourage appreciative pats-on-the-back from top management and other patronizing business personnel (not that I'm getting any pats-on-the-back for good performance anyway...a couple on the rear, but that's an HR issue that I can't discuss at this juncture).
So, you must be asking, "what in the Sam Hill does this have to do with wine?!" To which I have to ask, "are you an old prospector, using mid-19th century euphemisms like 'Sam Hill'?"
Here's what it has to do with wine: if you're caught in a tussle with a soggy back; if you've just gotten home from a grueling commute featuring your crappy broken auto A/C, then here are some dry wines you should keep in the chill chest to bring you back to dry times. Furthermore, they're all pretty cheap, so you can save your shekels to fix that damn motor:
Vinho Verde: Portuguese for "green wine", the name is actually indicative of the "youthful freshness" (as wikipedia puts it) of the wine, rather than the color. Made from a possible slew of local grapes (the most recognizable suspect being the Alvarinho grape, otherwise known as "Albariño" in nearby Spain), these wines not only feature low alcohol and high acidity, but often a little bit of fizz, making them even more refreshing. Although often assumed to be all whites, there are also some red vinho verdes, but they will not help your back sweat like a chilled white VV.
Cava: The Spanish take on Champagne. And bubbles always refresh. Usually made from the local grape trio of Macabeo, Parellada, and Xarel-lo (though some Chardonnay might be snuck in these days), these wines are all produced in the método tradicional (traditional method, or Champagne method), meaning the secondary fermentation takes place in the bottle. This fermentation and aging on the yeast create more interesting flavors and aromas, smaller, finer bubbles, and a dry, comfortable feeling between the shoulders.
Assyrtiko: What I'm convinced will be the next big thing in white wine, Greece's (Santorini's, to be more specific) Assyrtiko grape produces some briny, minerally, refreshing whites (if "briny" and "minerally" sound refreshing to you...and I don't even think if "minerally" is a word). I've started to see more of these bottles around town, as Greece is coming out of some self-inflicted doldrums and getting into producing more quality wine. Just stay away from anything that says "Retsina", unless drinking Pine Sol is your fancy.
Of course, if none of these scratch you where you itch, or dry you where you sweat (or you can't bear the thought of drinking wine as a refreshment, though I encourage you to get over that), then there's always Ice Cold Beer. With a name like that, it's gotta do the trick. Whatever you choose, I hope that you now feel more equipped to battle SBS. No one needs to suffer.
If you'd like to join the fight to stop Soggy Back Syndrome, please send Joe Herrig the proper auto parts necessary to fix his A/C. He's pretty handy, and clearly too cheap to pay the auto mechanic.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Joe Versus the Movie Pairings, part 2
...and so it continues. Completing the challenge posted on the Suburban Wino facebook page by a friend (see part 1 HERE). Trying to pair some wines with some of the 80's finest films. Cue your Europe...it's the Final Countdown:
Top Gun: Château Pétrus. Quite possibly, year-after-year, the most expensive wine in the world. Nestled in the Pomerol appellation of Bordeaux, France, this tiny producer cranks out- at most- around 2500 cases per year. I've seen recent vintages priced at a barrel-roll-above the-hard-deck, nosebleed-inducing pricetag of $1200+. Obviously, someone out there thinks this is the real Top Gun. Interestingly, it's made primarily out of Merlot, as most wines in the Pomerol AOC are. Often thought to be the wingman of Cabernet Sauvignon, it takes the Top Gun trophy this time. "You're still dangerous, Merlot...you can be my wingman any time." "Bullshit, Cabernet Sauvignon. You can be mine."
Amadeus: Grüner Veltliner. Celebrate Austria's most brilliant composer with Austria's most notable grape. Those with much-more-refined palates than I seem to laud the brilliance of these minerally white wines, especially their food-friendliness. I haven't drank a multitude of them, but- like Antonio Salieri- I jealously desire to possess the palates of those enological Mozarts who know GrüVee's symphonic charms. That being said, some of the better ones I've had come from a producer called Wolfgang Vineyards, if you really want to take this pairing thing too seriously.
The Naked Gun: For some reason, all I can think about is O.J. Simpson's performance in this movie. Drink a bottle of Orin Swift's "The Prisoner" in effigy, and remember the good times... 2,000 yards with the Buffalo Bills, and the one-man Comedy of Errors that was Nordberg.
Rambo: First Blood Part II: Chalone Vineyards was the closest-sounding thing I came up with on a feverish search to find the non-existent "Stallone Vineyards". Or, something from Paso Robles' Sylvester Winery. Drink alone.
Troop Beverly Hills: Like Shelley Long's intrepid vow to sell 2000 boxes of Wilderness Girls' cookies (to the chagrin of sinister district leader Velda Plendor), take on the equally-daunting challenge of drinking 2000 boxes of wine. Or was it 1000? I can't even being to put into words how much I don't care.
Beverly Hills Cop 2: Because nothing says "huge in the 80's, but completely washed up now" like White Zinfandel, synthesized pop music, and Eddie Murphy's career.
The Empire Strikes Back: Dammit. The now-defunct "Skywalker Ranch" wines would have been a total softball right here. However, the force is strong with this one, and I must imagine, if there was to be a wine made on the Ice planet Hoth, it would without a doubt be an Ice Wine, or "Eiswein" in Wookie (okay, that's German. But I know some Germanic people who look like Wookies). A delicious nectar made when grapes (usually Riesling) are left on the vine very late into the season, until they freeze. The majority of the water in the grapes is removed as ice, and what's left is a sweet, concentrated (but balanced) dessert wine that will take you to Cloud Nine, or at least Cloud City.
Gandhi: Vinho Verde. This light, crisp, and very pale white wine (the "verde" refers to its youth, not a green color) from Portugal pretty much looks the part of water, a.k.a. the lone staple of a hunger strike. Fighting the good fight for peace is darn admirable, but it doesn't have to be boring. Hey, I don't recall anyone calling it a "cocktail strike", okay?
The Karate Kid: Yeah, we all love Daniel-san. And lovable Mr. Miyagi could certainly help make a case for sake on this one. But let's be honest: we all wanted to be part of Cobra Kai Dojo. So, if you desire the juice in your glass to "strike like a cobra", you've gotta reach for a wine from Washington's Rattlesnake Hills AVA. Actually named for the shape of the hills, rather than a proliferation of poisonous serpents, this sub-AVA of the Yakima Valley AVA brings some serious Cabernet Sauvignon, Cab Franc, Merlot, Riesling, Syrah, and many more. Indeed, Washington wine is crazy-good, and it's not afraid to go up against California's finest. Sweep the leg, Washington. You gotta problem with that?
What a fun challenge. Brought me back a bit to my days of "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" mastery. I hope some more challenges are posed, and I really hope some folks drink these wines with the movies suggested.
I've tried to think of a way to wrap this one up cleverly. Staring at the screen is no longer an option. All the creativity was used up on the movies. So...hmmm. Bye?
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