Thursday, May 26, 2011

It's not like you're looking very badass anyway.

When the girl driving the refreshment cart regretfully informed us that she was all out of Bud Light Lime, we lamented in only having chilled white wine to drink...

That, and a few errant "regular" Bud Lights, like Bud Light Lime for those who don't give a damn about the dangers of scurvy.

Needless to say, sipping crisp white and drinking flavored malt beverages does little to toughen the already lily-livered image of golf. I honestly feel the need to bite the cork out of a dusty bottle of whiskey from unknown providence, slug it down, punch a bandito in the face, shoot some guy on a balcony so that he falls through a cheaply-constructed banister, then line up that 14-footer with a slight right-to-left break.

All that being said, I do enjoy me some golf, and whiskey neat makes a terrible thrist-quencher on a 90 degree South Carolina day under the oppressive anger of the sun. But a chilled, slightly effervescent Vinho Verde does wonders.

This "green" wine- named for its youth rather than it's color- hails from the Minho region in northern Portugal. It's made from a variety of nearly 20 grapes, and- as the name suggests- it's built to drink young. Practically a watered-down vodka tonic, the citrusy, minerally, low-alcohol tipple is mighty refreshing, and is tailor-made to slake the thirst of parched golfers. That being said, duffers should be tilting those bottles with prudence, as Vinho Verde tees off with around 9-10% ABV. Granted, while this is very low by wine standards, it's pretty much like sipping some of the strongest beer around...

...yet that buzz may be critical, because you- the golfer- are likely walking around in ridiculous garb.

Damn, golfers are comfortable in their own skin.

Listen, once one is dressed like a circus clown in public, there should be no more insecurity about anything else. So next time the course is sold out of Bud Light Lime, reach for a bottle of chilled Vinho Verde you've cleverly stashed in one of those random pockets in the golf bag. Why not? The desire for Bud Light Lime is a clear indication that you don't give a damn about looking tough drinking to compensate for the not-toughness of your alleged sport. And it tastes good.

And drink it straight from the bottle. Because you already look like a buffoon.

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