Snooze in the News: A Delaware man is really bad at burgling. But awfully good at drinking. Bradley M. Furchak is currently being held at Sussex Correctional after a Long Neck, Delaware woman awoke to find her house broken into, and the alleged perpetrator snoring on her couch, having consumed several beers from her own supply. When voice-threatened, Furchak- despite his lapse in stealing judgement- had the wherewithal to hang on to one of the beers as he fled the scene. He was soon after taken into custody, where he was quickly sobered to the crushing fact that he lived in Delaware.

105 in the pink: When most of us think of pink wine, a $2.95 bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill comes to mind. Or perhaps Sutter Home White Zinfandel, if you last name happens to be Rockefeller. So imagine is someone took that money out of the mason jar you'd been saving to visit Branson and blew it on one bottle of pink wine? It's feasible. Badass blogger Katie of Gonzo Gastronomy recently delineated the latest from Provence's Château D'Esclans: a bottle of rosé retailing for $105. Sure, it's small production. Yeah, it's complex. Of course it's produced by son-of-wine-royalty Sacha Lichine. But you know what's it's not? 34 bottles of Strawberry Hill. And when Molly Hatchet is busy flirtin' with disaster through the blown-out speakers in your Trans-Am, you know you can't drink just one.

Going Commando: True, sometimes alcohol leads to lewd and destructive behavior. Governator, we saw the writing on the wall years ago...