The cast iron skillet is a miracle.

Wanna disagree? I'll bludgeon you with my cast iron skillet.

Nah, I wouldn't do that, but I'd force you to cook you steak on a grill. Listen, I like the ol' hibachi as much as the next overhyped Food Network star, but when it's 96 degrees outside, this guy's gonna sweat his arse off in style: in front of the range (sweat courtesy of a bad diet and lack of exercise, not heat).

Plus, when's the last time you got a silly grill to do this?:

That's the evidence of a Maillard reaction, holmes, and the crispity brown crust means flavor country.

Throw in a fine red wine, like this 2007 Swanson Oakville Merlot [disclosure: sample fairy left this for me], and things get really saucy. Many Merlots are known to be very soft and plush and fruity. The higher-quality juice often comes with a little more tannic grip (and that can be a good thing with steak), so it fits the bill like something that would fit perfectly on the bill (sorry, metaphorical acumen is pretty disastrous right now).

Eureka! A meal fit for an awfully lazy post.