Railroaded: Sad country songs have long cornered the market on extolling the virtues of alcohol as a means to "ease the pain". I mean, nothing hurts more than your woman cheating with your best friend the same day your dog runs away, your truck breaks down, and Red Man introduces "passionfruit" flavored chew. All of this compounds into the equivalent of being hit by an emotional locomotive. Can anything hurt more, warranting the numbing power of booze? Yes: being hit by an actual locomotive. That's what happen to a Saskatoon (Saskatchewan) man as he was walking down the tracks on February 10. Police report finding the man walking after the incident in an intoxicated state. He "did not seem to realize what hit him... however, indicate[d] he had pain in several parts of his body." The man was treated and found to have no serious injuries. The painkilling effect of booze came through in spades, but I guess they always say that Canadian beer is much stronger.

Atlas Shrugged: The man who holds the wine world upon his booze-pickled shoulders may quietly be at the epicenter of a major shakeup in California. Recently (according to Vinography.com) Wine Advocate founder Robert M. Parker announced that he will be handing over the reviewing duties for California wine to his associate, Antonio Galloni. A little history: Parker is widely-known as one who gives very high scores to big, rich, massive wines with dense fruit and structure. Subsequently, wines that get high marks from Parker tend to sell VERY quickly, to a level at which some winemakers have been accused of crafting wine to fit the "Parker" style (anecdotal evidence... what, were you expecting data here?!). Now, Galloni is currently the reviewer for Italian wines, Champagne, and Chablis... not exactly hotbeds of huge, fruit-forward wines. If the new king of California brings his European tastes to the Golden State, will the scores favor leaner, more subtle styles? Will the more fickle California winemakers follow? What about consumers? So many questions yet to be answered. However, one thing is certain: this is perhaps the driest, least entertaining "Booze in the News" snippet yet.

Tearing the roof off the mothersucker, or a southern Rhône grape in the hands of two madmen: History (or at least pop culture) is full of great duos - The Lone Ranger & Tonto; George Clinton & Bootsy Collins; Hawk & Animal; Ponch & Jon; Larry Appleton & Balki Bartokomous; Dirty & Rowdy. Sure, the last two (Santa Rosa's Hardy Wallace and Atlanta's Matt Richardson, respectively) aren't quite household names yet, but they've put an exclamation point on what is now a proud Sonoma-Atlanta alliance by joint-producing a 100% Mourvèdre... and putting it up for sale. Normally- having had the pleasure of tipping glasses with both of these... er... uh... gentlemen?- I'd say this wine might end up having all the charm of a rabid, peg-legged weasel. However, everything- from the NPA to Salinia to A Tribute to Grace- that emerges from the walls of the Salinia Wine Co. seems to turn to melted gold, so I have high hopes for these two. Dirty & Rowdy Mourvèdre, along with a 50/50 blend of that Moo-vedder and Angela Osborne's fantastic Grenache, will be available by mailing list sale only (probably this summer). Ever punched Dustin Diamond in the suckhole, then made out with the tall chick from Back to School while listening to Sammy Hagar's "I Can't Drive 55" on a jet boat? Pretty sure this wine will be the exact same thing.

It's a given that if you run with my wolf pack (a rather lethargic, purple-toothed pack at that), then this guy is sort of a celebrity:

Alright. It's not technically a wolf pack. Just a bunch of people, and there are zero wolves (but there is at least one sweet wolf shirt, belonging- not surprisingly- to yours truly). The folks I'm talking about are Atlanta wine drinkers, and beyond that, the online community of wine bloggers, social media [insert hackneyed descriptor, like "mavens", "ninjas", "gurus", etc.], and industry chaps.

But I was actually a bit surprised when a few local friends of mine did not know the name "Hardy Wallace". The guy- affectionately known as "Dirty"- rose through the blogging ranks, evangelizing about the crunker aspects of the fermented grape on Atlanta's own Dirty South Wine. For brevity's sake, here's the condensed story: Dirty got laid off, won a little contest in 2009, moved to California, and now helps make and sell wine. The guy's been a huge boon for the Atlanta (and beyond) wine scene and its bloggers, and he's also a particularly appreciated supporter of this little opus here. Dirty's also a super bouncy ball of energy, a man of more comical facial expressions than a young Rip Taylor, and as absurdly humble and genuine a fella around. Hardy- I pop an obscure, overly-aged-and-oxidized white wine and pour a little out for you, buddy.

While "Dirty South Wine" has perhaps become secondary to Hardy, the stuff he's got going on at Santa Rosa's Natural Process Alliance is worth the focus. The cat went to work for Kevin Kelley (known as the winemaker behind the tasty and easy-to-find Lioco, as well as tasty and rather elusive Salinia juice), and they're primed to make the "klean kanteen" and The NPA household names...at least within a 100 mile radius of the wine's origin, as it's not sold beyond, despite my efforts, ranging from unappealing bribery to weak-armed coercion.

Why the Pat Buchanan-like isolationism? The juice is good; word should be spread. However, this is perhaps the most natural wine commercially made. Little to no sulphur dioxide is used (an addition in traditional winemaking so common, it's often listed as a critical step in the process). Wild yeasts- contrary to more common inoculated yeasts- are allowed to create spontaneous fermentation in the crushed juice. The NPA wines are also not filtered or fined. Ever drank cloudy wine? The crystal-clear stuff you're probably accustomed to gets that way by using a protein to precipitate out suspended solids. Such proteins can include egg whites, stuff made from fish fins, and even bull's blood in the seemingly bull-slaughter-happy ancient times.

What is left in the kanteen is a fragile wine: evolving, terribly susceptible to heat and travel, and fly paper for oxidation (as sulfites are a preservative). However, the product Kelley's making in that Santa Rosa warehouse, and that Dirty's filling your keg or kanteen (via draught, no less), is spectacular. Honestly, like nothing I've ever tasted. I think we've been conditioned to a way wine is "supposed" to be made, is supposed to look, is supposed to taste. This juice farts in the general direction of those edicts, and the payoff is a totally unique wine experience.

Pinot Gris that looks like ruby-red grapefruit juice and smells like sweet tea and peaches. Chardonnay that kicks both the "unoaked" and "butterscotch bomb" camps in the genitals (that's about the best I can describe it. My tasting notes simply said, "Chard: mention genitals, but in a good way"). But I think the Sauvignon Blanc from the NPA is the star. Sauv B's generally never been a wine that I'd put on my wish list (unless it's blended with botrytized Sémillon and labeled "Sauternes"). But I literally crave this one. It looks like grapefruit juice. It smells like grapefruit juice. And grass. And every other descriptor given in the world of Sauvignon Blanc, including the elusive gooseberry, and I've never even seen or tasted a stupid gooseberry. There's just tons of wacky stuff going on in this one, and its big flavors and acidity rip down your tongue when knocking it back for breakfast. I'm serious: have some for breakfast. Your job's not that secure anyway.

I'm not just writing this article because I know and like some of the folks at the NPA. Hopefully, it's been established in over two years that I'm neither a jaded critic nor a pandering buffoon (operative word = "pandering". I could very well be a buffoon). However, I think when something interesting is going on, it's worth a mention. Are these the best wines I've ever tasted? I'm not prepared to say that. But are they absolutely unique? Definitely. Kevin Kelley's doing something really special, and the wacky kid from Atlanta and putting it on the map.

So, if you find your way to Northern California, make a track to Santa Rosa. Stop by Rancho Mendoza Super Mercado for an incredible torta. Maybe buy an extra one or two for the winemaking crew. Next, throw out all your preconceived notions of what a winery visit should be. Then, hit up the NPA. You'll be glad you did.

And, yes. I really do own that wolf shirt.

"Soylent Green is made from PEOPLE!" -Charlton Heston from The Ten Commandments...

...oh, wait. That was Soylent Green.

With a heavy heart, I today say goodbye to another one of Atlanta's finest wine bloggers. It was almost a year today- literally within hours- that The Dirty's favorite son, Hardy Wallace, shipped off to Sonoma for what was to become the 6-month trip that never ended.

Now, Fast Eddie Thralls, the steady rudder behind the good ship Wine Tonite!, has departed for a 3-month apprenticeship at Holdredge Wines in Healdsburg, CA (the very town where Hardy/Dirty landed).

In the short time I've known Ed, we've built a strong friendship, one that even supersedes my venomous hatred for his alma mater, the University of Florida. As we subscribe to the profound notion that wine brings people together, then a mutual love for the grape by Ed and myself broke down these walls, and I was able to see past the jorts, the horrid orange-and-blue camo jerseys, and the acrid stench of North Florida crystal meth.

I kid, I kid. It's a testament to the sense of humor of the little fella. In all seriousness, Ed's been beyond generous with his wine, his hospitality, and his knowledge. And- knowing both how passionate he is about the wine biz and that he's on the prowl for a winery job- I fear my buddy's never coming back. Turn on the Led Zeppelin II; another of Atlanta's finest has rambled on. Selflessness aside, I hope Ed Thralls doesn't come back; that would only mean his quest to realize his dreams has been fulfilled.

So, with Irish wake music in the background, I toast both displaced Peach-staters the best way I can: with a bottle of 2003 Garretson Peach State Cuvée. I found this Paso Robles, CA wine discounted at Cost Plus World Market (one of those types of places I hated to go with my mom as a kid, but now...well, I guess I'm just pretty damn lame). It has to be one of the most random and interesting bottles I've ever seen. The winemaker- Mat Garretson, an Atlanta native- created this bottling to honor all his friends and family back in Georgia. Though the label was devoid of grapes, Garretson's reputation as a Rhône-lover, along with the meaty, berry, funky tar, smoke, pepper, and alcoholic heat aromas suggested to me that it was a blend of some percentage of Syrah, Mourvèdre, Grenache, Petite Sirah, and/or Zinfandel, for good measure. It still packed some tannins in the mouth for a 7-year-old Cali wine. Overall, for the bargain price of $14 I paid, it was a proper quaff to both drink and pour a little out for my homies who have moved on (without feeling guilty about it).

Alas (very sadly), Garretson Wine Company is no more. A faded memory of two states connected by wine. However, we wish Ed well, and we remain confident that his connection to the great state of Georgia will remain. I look forward to cracking a bottle with Ed and Hardy when they come back to visit, as I am firmly planted in Atlanta...

...well, at least until the next Exodus.