It ain't the sauerkraut: With a new public smoking ban in place in Germany, the operators of Oktoberfest's Höfbrau beer tent (and others) are employing odor-killing bacteria to combat the smell of stale beer. Formerly, good ol' cigarette smoke used to knock out the scent. Honestly, which smell is worse? Okay, probably stale beer. But that would be the least of my concerns... Sweaty. Drunken. Germans. Sausage. Sausage literally seeping out of their skins. In fact, now that I think about it, the aromas of stale beer, cigarette smoke, and sausage sweat aren't really selling me on Oktoberfest. There better be some boobs or something.

This Scotch goes to eleven: Successfully navigating the test-market circuit, Johnnie Walker Double Black is set to hit shelves in March of 2011. The whiskey is described as "Johnnie Black with more smoky, intensified flavors". Now, I think the regular Black has plenty of flavor as is. Are Scotch producers going the route of popular, more-extracted, tooth-chipping red wines? Are they looking for a headier, heftier whiskey to satisfy the collective palate? Maybe that's not what "more intense" means, but it sure doesn't sound refined. And what about the label? The Walker folks like colors. Should the Double Black label be twice as dark as the original? I mean, the original is so black, how much more black can it be? The answer is... none. Maybe they should just name it "Smell the Glove".

Lonely Vermont farmers smoke over the concept of "weed dating": So, apparently, this is just a bunch of folks who go on a date and pull weeds in a field of produce. I was WAY off on this one.